Felix — I went from one place to another, to that place and that place and that place, and finally ended up living with my cousin. She has a big heart — she even picks up cats and dogs and grooms them. I'm over there about a year-and-a-half ago, and I get a call from my daughter. She tells me that my 16-year-old daughter committed suicide.
I drifted to Tijuana. What little money I had, I used to rent space in a shelter. I would eat in places where they would feed you for free. I ended up finding the shelter for deported veterans. I was still dealing with my daughter's death, but I wasn't using drugs or alcohol or nothing. After about four months I started dreaming her. At night, I started seeing her in my sleep, and I would ask her 'Mija, ¿qué quieres? [My daughter, what do you want?]. She wouldn't go away; she wouldn't go away. I slowly started using drugs and drinking. I was down because of my deportation. It was bad. And then I started using more.
During all of this, Hector never kicked me out. I told Hector I wanted to go to rehab. I did, and now I've been clean for 4 1/2 months. Hector welcomed me back and said he would help me. He wants me to decide what I want to do with my life.
When I was in rehab, I learned to deal with people's attitudes, how to rejoice over who they are instead of getting angry at how they are. That's what I used to battle.
I'm going to base my life on the following from Romans 12:2:
Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect.
God helps me and inspires me. He's in control.